


Dying From the Cracks

by KagomeBenihime



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: BAMF Bilbo, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-05
Updated: 2014-09-05
Packaged: 2018-02-16 05:28:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2257554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KagomeBenihime/pseuds/KagomeBenihime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hobbits are kind creatures, they have learned to love with everything they have, but how can Bilbo's soft heart cope when his love never wants to see him again...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ok... this fic is probably kinda weird but I figured I'd share it instead of just leaving it on my computer :) hope you all like it.

_"This is the end..."_   Thorin thought in despair as the pale orc stalked toward them with a horrid smile on his face, how could he have let this happen? Thorin Oakenshield, king under the mountain, master of the forge, warrior, commander of his people, and complete and utter fool... He had let himself be taken by the gold sickness and, in his haze, banished the only one he had ever truly, deeply loved, and now, through his greed and arrogance, he has lead his family and friends to a battle they could have avoided and could never hope to win...

  
     Fili and Kili lay near him, both were, by Mahal's grace, still alive but neither were unharmed. Kili whimpered slightly, grasping for his brother as the orc stalked closer. Thorin felt a deep pain in his chest, which had began as a soft ache the moment he had banished his love from his side, growing even fiercer at the thought that he had brought his family to the halls of the dead with his twice cursed stubbornness and pride. The fight around the three dwarfs and the defiler had stopped in favor of watching the fight between the other four and it seemed that even as things were turning for the worse, no one was there to help them against such a foe.

  
    The orc smiled wickedly, he seemed to sense the hopelessness take over the king, laughing as he moved in for the kill. Thorin moved to protect his nephews as much as he could, praying to Mahal to protect them. If Mandos must take someone from the battle then let it be him and him alone, he knew he had little left to live for after what he had done, but he never wanted his sistersons to fall pray to his foolishness. As the orc came nearer, Thorin wished with all his heart that he could just see his love once again... to apologize for what he'd done... to tell him he was wrong and to ask for forgiveness for how he had treated him, but then a yell from the observing lines of fighters stopped the orc in his tracks and snapped Thorin from his thoughts.

  
    Thorin looked toward the line of fighters and to his shock and dismay saw the small hobbit that he had called a betrayer; holding him over the high gates of Erabor by the throat, and with every intention of dropping him to the stone below after the act he had committed, even as he sobbed and pleaded with him to stop. The same hobbit he had confessed his love to and had asked to stay with him to be his consort only days before his banishment, to whom he had told that if they met again it would mean his end. The hobbit who had saved them all so many times, ran through the circle of watchers to save them again. The hobbit showed no sign of fear, standing bravely between the dwarfs and the pale orc. "You will not touch them" the hobbit hissed in a tight voice, gripping his sword tightly and glaring at the orc before him.

  
    The pale orc seemed stunned for a moment before he began to laugh "Then you shall die first, child!" The orc moved forward and raised his mace, but the young hobbit stood his ground, he would not abandon the ones he loved. If they wanted him to leave he would do so, but only after he knew they were safe. As the mace descended toward him he spun away, bringing Sting down on the wooden handle with a splintering crack, the small sword cutting through the wood like it was the air itself and the deadly mace thudded to the ground to lay useless on the dirt. The spectators all gaped at this, and the orc seemed bewildered for a moment before he roared in rage and his clawed arm flashed toward the hobbit with deadly accuracy. The hobbit screamed in pain as the claw buried itself in his stomach.

  
"BILBO!" Kili screamed, trying to get up and help his friend, but he fell back with his own cry of pain. None of the heirs of Durin could do anything but watch as the orc smiled and pushed the claw in deeper. "You should have stayed home akashuga..." the orc said, as he began to lift the hobbit off the ground with the satisfaction of an orc reveling in the torment and pain of his pray. Bilbo gritted his teeth and grabbed onto the claws base, holding it in place he raised his sword and with a cry of defiance he brought it down on the pale orc's arm, cutting through the flesh and bone, and removing the claw from the pale orcs arm.

   The orc screamed in pain and rage, but Bilbo wasn't done. As the orc staggered, blinded by the pain, Bilbo landed lightly on his feet,  and using the momentum to his advantage he lunged in and drove his sword into the pale orc's chest, knocking them both over. "This... isn't possible..." the orc choked out, and as blood began to fill his lungs with deadly surety, the hobbit chuckled slightly. "I told you, scum... you will not touch them. Never again!" with that the hobbit twisted the blade harshly before pulling back and slicing the head of the pale orc from his shoulders.

    All of the orcs in the circle shrieked in shock and fear as their leaders head tumbled along the ground, and they turned to run from the one who had slain their leader. Now that Azog was gone and with no one else to command them they began to fall into disarray. Many of them never made it away, killed by the men and elves whose pride would never let a halfling outdo them in battle. Standing slowly the hobbit gripped the claw, and with a sharp intake of breath and gritting of his teeth, he wrenched it from his stomach in a quick movement. He stumbled slightly, gasping in pain, but seemed to somehow will the pain away as he turned and looked at the three dwarfs.

  
    The hobbit gave them a soft but very sad smile, "I'm sorry..." he said softly, before turning to leave. He had only managed to get a few steps however before a wave of pain passed through him and he fell to his knees. Gandalf was at his side the next instant, "Come Bilbo, you need healing...quickly." Bilbo shook his head and tried to stand. "Th-Thorin doesn't want me here... he said he wanted me gone... so I... have to..." The edges of the hobbits eyesight began to blur and he felt dizzy, the ache in his chest and the wounds he had received seemed to rally against him and he slumped back against the old wizard "I... have to... leave..."  he choked out, half pain and half sorrow pressing in on his throat as he once again tried to stand.

   He couldn't bear the thought of leaving his love. He didn't blame Thorin for what had happened, not at all. He knew of the gold sickness and he would never blame him for that, but he knew that he wouldn't last long in either case, even if he received the healing he needed. He would die without his love; the medicine and bandages should be used on someone who had a chance... not on a lost cause... and though Bilbo knew he would never make it, he wished to die at home...  Home, where he was as least partly wanted... though he was so alone. The wizard hushed the young hobbit, lifting him into his arms and, after giving a rather accusing look at Thorin, carried the little hobbit to the healing tents. As he passed Balin on the way he quietly told him to hurry to Fili, Kili, and Thorin , and to get them to the healing tents as soon as he could.

  
    As he walked Gandalf continually looked at the small hobbit in his arms, this brave little hobbit who had fought tooth and nail for the ones he loved. Even though he felt the love was no longer returned, it filled Gandalf with wonder and pride for his small friend; however, at that moment, all Gandalf felt was worry... "My dear Bilbo..." he said softly, "I told you not to be reckless..."

  
    Oin met them at the healing tents. "In here" he said softly, pointing to a small tent near the back, behind the royal tent. Gandalf ducked inside and placed the small hobbit on the cot before Oin began to bustle about and fuss over the hobbits wounds. "Thank Mahal..." the dwarf said softly as he cut away the remains of Bilbo's bloody shirt, revealing the mithril mail that Bilbo had received from Thorin before he had lost himself to the deep gold sickness. "The mail stopped the wound from being too deep... if he hadn't been wearing it... he would have been eviscerated..." Oin sighed in relief as he cleaned and bandaged the wound, checking the hobbit over and fixing any other injuries he found before he turned to Gandalf. "What happened?" he asked softly, his voice full of worry. "I thought the hobbit had gone home... why is he still here? and who hurt him so badly? please say it was not Thorin..."

   Oin looked at Gandalf as the wizard puffed on his pipe. It was a moment or two before he replied. " No. It was not Thorin that did this. Our little hobbit couldn't leave without knowing you were all safe. He returned to fight, and when he saw Azog about to kill Thorin and the boys he ran to stop him." Gandalf had to hold back a slight smile at the wide eyed look on Oin's face at this point. "Our little burglar... has killed Azog the defiler for good. and he saved the line of Durin." Gandalf watched the dwarf healer for a moment as he processed what the wizard had said before the old man continued. "Now, ready yourself Oin, there is much to do before everything is well again..."

\-------------------------------------  
   

Thorin and his sistersons were hurried to the healing tents by the other members of the company who had shown up a minute or so after Gandalf had left. When they had found the heirs of Durin they were still stunned by what they had witnessed and they had to enlist the aid of Beorn the skinchanger to carry Thorin and the princes to the tents.

  
    Thorin desperately wanted to see the young hobbit. He wanted to know if he was ok, but he couldn't see him anywhere as they moved through the tents. As they were taken to the royal tent for treatment Thorin heard some of what the solders saying nearby "-took the defilers head right off! then he just stood and pulled that metal claw out like it was nothing! I lost track of him after that but he was amazing! I've never seen-" "-did you hear what happened to the leader of the orcs? they say he was-" Some of the company seemed to have heard what had happened as well.  They exchanged looks, and Bofur was even brave enough to voice it. "So... did Bilbo really come back, and kill Azog?"        "He did!" Kili said in excitement. " He saved all three of us! I can't wait to see him again and thank him!"

  
    The other dwarfs smiled at the youngest prince, who even when injured had enough energy for ten dwarfs. "Well I guess you weren't hurt near as bad as we hoped," Dwalin said with a gruff laugh "and here I thought we'd have a few days of quiet..." The other dwarfs laughed as Kili sputtered angrily and descended into a pout. Fili gave his brother a soft slap on the shoulder and said softly "calm down Kili... you need to rest and heal up. If Bilbo is still here then we'll thank him." Kili beamed "Of course he'll still be here, remember Fili? He promised he'd stay with us!" Fili and the others exchanged glances, had the young prince hit his head? Did he not remember how Bilbo had been banished?

  
    Thorin paid no mind to all of this, all he could think of was the sad and broken look on Bilbo's face as he looked back at them... _"I'm sorry..."_   The words echoed in the dwarf kings head as images of what had been done flashed unbidden through his mind. Thorin straightened slightly "Hear me, everyone" he said softly, and everyone stilled and looked to their king. "Bilbo has saved the line of Durin... he has killed Azog the defiler... I Thorin, King Under the Mountain, hereby lift his banishment and decree that he is welcome in our kingdom again." The rest of the dwarfs beamed and cheered as they entered the tent, things would be alright now.

  
    Oin appeared in the tent, a strange look on his face as he started to clean and bandage their wounds. "Oin..." Thorin said softly and the dwarf turned "Where is he?" Oin couldn't seem to look him in the eye as he replayed. "Where is who, my king?" Thorin sat up as best he could despite the worried looks on the others faces. "The halfling Oin, where is Bilbo? I want to see him." Gandalf ducked into the tent at that moment and Thorin looked at him. "Where is he Gandalf?" The wizard looked over at the dwarf king, his face unreadable. "Where is Bilbo?" Thorin repeated. The wizard's face didn't change as he softly replied "He's gone Thorin..."  
  
  
  



	2. mend the broken heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo's heart is crushed when he thinks he is no longer wanted by his friends, Can Thorin fix it before it's to late?

   Bilbo moaned softly as he came back to consciousness, and looking around slowly, determined he must be in one of the healing tents.... but where was everyone? The tent seemed rather small and he was the only one in there. He sat up slowly and held his side gingerly, he was surprised that it wasn't screaming at him. Whoever treated him must have given him something for the pain. As he reached a sitting position he heard voices, coming from another tent he guessed. He heard Ori's voice "Where is who, my king?" Bilbo's heart leaped for a moment, thinking his love was so near, but then he sighed, he had been banished... branded a traitor... never wanted to be seen again... Bilbo felt a tear slide down his cheek.

   But then Thorin's voice drifted to him. "The halfling Oin, where is Bilbo? I want to see him." Bilbo felt a lurch in his chest, was Thorin sorry? Had he reconsidered and wanted Bilbo back? A small voice in the back of Bilbo's brain whispered "Or he wants to kill you for coming back..." Bilbo flinched and pushed the thought away as Thorin spoke again "Where is he Gandalf? where is Bilbo?" There was a pause before Gandalf replied "He's gone Thorin..." Bilbo's eyes widened and he looked down at himself, half expecting to be floating or maybe see through, but he was solid and real, he was breathing, how was he gone?

  
    "What do you mean gone?" This question came from Fili and Kili, as always completely in sync. "He left." Gandalf said. Bilbo stilled, he guessed that the old wizard wanted Thorin to see the error of his ways and make him face what he had done. "Why?" Kili blurted out, sounding hurt. "Because he was banished from here, remember?" Gandalf said softly "He was told to leave and if he was seen again he would be killed. Not that there's much need to worry" Gandalf sounded almost casual as he finished "I'm sure he'll be dead soon anyway."

  
    Bilbo sighed, Gandalf was right... Hobbits were known to love, utterly and completely. Being betrayed by the one he loved as he had been, Bilbo was surprised he was still alive to listen to this. "What?!" yelled Fili. "But he's not banished anymore!" That came from Bofur. "Why will Bilbo die? Was he hurt that bad?" That sounded like a very worried, maybe even tearful, Ori. "Hobbits are kind souls, Master Ori." Gandalf said "If his wounds do not kill him he will soon die of a crushed and broken heart." There was a sound of rushed movement and a grunt of pain "You can't get up yet!" Oin said in concern "You're badly hurt! You-" "Bring him back." The voice was soft but the deep command in the tone was unmistakable. "Bring him back Gandalf." 

  
   There was a pause before Gandalf replied "...why?" There was a stunned silence for a minute before Gandalf continued. "Why should I bring him back Thorin? So you can dangle him from the wall again? I will not let him be hurt by what your sickened mind seems to justify as "right" ever again Thorin Oakenshield." The words seemed to hang in the air for a moment before Thorin replied. "Your right graybeard... I have hurt him... and I have no right at all to even beg him for forgiveness. I felt that as long as he was able to live his life and maybe find happiness in spite of all I have done to him that that would be enough. I would be left to live with what I had done to him, and everyone else by myself... but I cannot let him die... I... I still love him.."

  "I cannot bear the thought that I would be the cause of his death... I will punish myself for an eternity for what I did under the gold sickness of my fathers, but I love him more then I will ever love any treasure of the earth. I know that now... so..." There was a long pause and then Thorin said in a voice so soft Bilbo had to lean in and he still wasn't sure if he heard it right "So p-please Gandalf.... Please bring him back to me..." There was a long silence before Gandalf replied "...alright Thorin... I will do what I can..." There was a swish of the tent flap and then nothing.

  
    Bilbo lay down again, not wanting Gandalf to be angry about him moving about. Then the wizard ducked into the small tent and smiled at the hobbit before saying softly "How much did you hear?" Bilbo smiled back. "Most of it." Gandalf nodded and sighed "I feel it would be best if he apologized to you in person... " Bilbo nodded before the wizard could finish. "I understand" he said softly, and Bilbo closed his eyes for a moment and thought back to what had happened.

_[flashback time]_

  
    _"You did this?" Thorin asked, looking to the small hobbit beside him. "You gave them the stone?!" Bilbo shrank back at the look on Thorin's face "I-I did it to protect you." Bilbo said softly. "I don't want to see you hurt..." Thorin stepped forward, and Bilbo's only warning was the dark emotionless look in Thorin's eyes before the dwarf grabbed him roughly by the throat. Bilbo gasped in shock before his feet left the ground and he was suspended into space over the gates of the city. "UNCLE!" Fili and Kili cried, trying to run forward and help the struggling hobbit but Dwalin stood in their way._

_  
"Give me a reason." Thorin said softly "Give me one good reason I shouldn't send you to your death for this!" He shook the hobbit and glared at him darkly. "Th-Thorin..." Bilbo gasped out, barely any air was getting to his lungs to form the words. "Thorin... p-please don't do this..." Thorin sneered at him, making Bilbo shiver. "You're not even worth it are you? ...sniveling coward..." He threw Bilbo against the battlements and the hobbit landed in a crumpled heap, coughing and desperately trying to hold back the tears. He felt like his chest was caving in on itself and Bilbo knew if this was happening his world would soon end.  "Get out of my sight." The dwarf king spat "You are a traitor and a betrayer. You have no place with us here. If you ever return, I will kill you myself." He drew his sword as if to prove the point as Bilbo stumbled to his feet. "Aright..." Bilbo said softly._

_  
Slowly Bilbo walked toward the Dwarf king, knowing this was his last chance. He leaned up on his toes and placed a gentle kiss on the rigid kings cheek "Farewell, Thorin Oakenshield... I will never forget you..." He gave his friends in the company a soft smile. "Take care of each other..." Then the hobbit turned, ignoring the pleading calls of the young princes, who were still blocked by Dwalin. He started down the stairs, pausing just out of sight for a moment, hoping to hear a call from his love, wanting to run back into his warm arms and be safe again... but no call came, so he slowly squared his shoulders and left the city behind._

_  
As he left the gates of the city the pain in his chest grew worse and he stumbled, Gandalf caught him and knelt beside him. "Oh my dear Bilbo..." The wizard said softly as the hobbit shook in his grasp. A deep agonizing cry was ripped from the hobbits lips at what had happened, and what he knew would happen crashed in around him. The loud cry echoed off of the mountain and filled the air all around them. As if the earth itself was grieving at how things had changed and how the life of this little hobbit would soon end..._

  
_\--------------------_

  
    " _Gandalf?" Bilbo said softly as the three armies began to gather together to fight the oncoming orcs. He had been getting worse as the days had dragged on, and he knew he wouldn't last much longer, even though the elves had tried to help him as much as they could. They knew what it was like to fade. Gandalf looked down at the small hobbit as he stood and began to buckle on his sword. "I'm going to fight." Gandalf voiced his surprise "But Bilbo you-" "I want to help." Bilbo said, cutting across the wizards words. "I don't have much time left in either event. I may as well go out swinging, I want to help those I love." Gandalf seemed ready to argue again but nodded "Alright then... but don't be reckless." Bilbo smiled softly "I wont."_

  
    A _s the battle raged on, Bilbo had fought like a mad man, managing to protect several of his companions but had never stayed long enough for them to notice it was him who had helped. He had finally made it to the large space where everyone stood watching as the three heirs of the line of Durin were beaten back by the large pale orc. Bilbo had gotten through the lines of warriors just in time to watch Thorin fly back as the deadly mace struck him in the chest. He landed in the dirt beside his nephews and the pale orc was advancing toward them to finish the job. Thorin struggled to put himself between the orc and his nephews and the fear in the kings eyes spurred the hobbit to action."Thlûk! âdhn-ul âdhûn! Ziimûrz Flaguz!" The words slipped out of the hobbit before he even realized what he was saying but it did the trick. The pale orc stopped short and looked at the hobbit as he moved between his family and the defiler, He would not let Thorin and the others be hurt, though he knew he was not wanted anymore, and for all he knew Thorin might kill him if Azog didn't, but he would protect his love, no matter the cost._

_[end of flashbacks]_

   Bilbo opened his eyes and sat up, he felt his chest aching as he thought of all he had been through in so short a time. Gandalf was still standing near him. "Are you ready?" Bilbo nodded and tried to stand, but a sudden pain had him on his knees clutching at his chest. It felt as if it had just ripped itself open. He gasped for air "Estë have mercy."  Gandalf knelt beside him "It was to much." the wizard muttered to himself and cursed softly before he picked the hobbit up and hurried to the other tent.

  
    "Oin!" he called as soon as he entered and Oin looked up, face paling slightly at the look of the hobbit in the wizards arms. "Bilbo!" Fili and Kili cried out in fear. Bilbo looked so pale and still, they thought that he was already at the gates of Mandos. Thorin sat up quickly, fear filling his eyes as he took in the state of his hobbit. Oin hurried forward, "over here." he said as he pulled up a cot. Gandalf set the hobbit down, whispering gently "Don't you dare fall asleep on me Bilbo Baggins. If you do I can't wake you up..." Bilbo struggled to stay awake as Oin fussed over him, trying to see what was wrong. "You won't find anything Master Oin... there's no wound on the outside to fix." Gandalf said softly, looking at Thorin. "He's dying from the inside..."

  
    Thorin stood up slowly. Ignoring the pain and the others concern as he took his hobbits hand, he sighed "Bilbo..." The hobbit turned his head towards the dwarf and gave him that soft little smile he would give when he was too tired to do more. "I'm glad... you're alright... Thorin..." "Oh Bilbo..." Thorin felt tears sting his eyes, and he tried to hold them back. He had not cried the day Erebor was lost to them; he had not cried when his grandfather was lost in the battle of Azanulbizar, or when his father had disappeared and left him as the king of his people before he was ready. He had not cried in all that time but here and now he felt the tears well up as he gripped his Ones hand tightly. "I'm so sorry..." Thorin's words seemed to choke him and he bowed his head slightly. "I've done so many horrible things to you... yet you saved my life again..." Bilbo's face scrunched in confusion. "Why... wouldn't I? I love you Thorin... that never changed..." Suddenly, Bilbo's eyes widened with concern and he struggled to sit up. "Fili and Kili!" he gasped "and the others, are they-" Thorin hushed the hobbit gently "Everyone's fine... they're all here... you can see them when you get better... after all, you're my betrothed are you not?" Thorin gently touched the braid behind Bilbo's ear and smiled down at him.

  
    Bilbo's eye's widened again and he looked up at Thorin. "Does... does that mean I can stay?" Thorin sighed and said gruffly "You're as dimwitted as always halfling." Bilbo puffed up indignantly and was about to retort when Thorin smiled at him. "I have rescinded the decree of your banishment. Everyone heard it... I love you Bilbo Baggins, and I'm never letting you out of my sight again." Bilbo beamed as color started to return to his face. Thorin leaned in and gently kissed Bilbo. "As long as you'll still have me." He said softly after pulling away. "I have been quite the fool... if you do not wish to-" Bilbo laughed softly "I'm not letting you off that easy Thorin Oakenshield. You're stuck with me, to the Halls of Mandos and back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translation:  
> thlûk! âdhn-ul âdhûn! ziimûrz flaguz! black speak for enough! leave them alone! cowardly monster!
> 
> I may continue this story someday if I have the time and the thought processes but until then it's a finished work :)

**Author's Note:**

> translation:  
> akashuga- black speech for halfling or half of a man.


End file.
